What if "rest" doesn't mean what you think?
When I started Cohort Dalet in September 2019, I had built some pretty big walls around my heart after a tough year of loss and disappointment in Christian communities I valued and found my identity in. I was living a very isolated life and needed to start trusting and interacting with people again.
On our first evening together, I knew I was in the right place. As we shared why we decided to become part of this experience together, I knew I was in a safe place—and that we would be on quite a journey together.
We dove right into a topic I knew was going to be a challenge for me: Sabbath.
I’m a pretty big fan of love, justice and mercy, and I’ve got the other nine commandments down pretty well. But asking a perfectionist, people-pleasing, full-time working mom of three elementary-aged kids, with a husband who struggles with bi-polar II disorder, to rest is laughable. There simply isn’t time.
I started digging into the study with the intent to find any loophole I could. I wanted to understand exactly what God commanded the Israelites not to do on Sabbath.
In Exodus 16:28-29, the Lord says to Moses:
“How long do you refuse to keep my commandments and My laws? See! For the LORD has given you the Sabbath; therefore He gives you on the sixth day bread for two days. Let every man remain in his place, let no man go out of his place on the seventh day.” (NKJV)
Looking at it now, it is pretty clear. God just wanted them to stay in their tents and not go out collecting manna. But I was curious what the Hebrew word behind “go out” was. Are we really not supposed to leave our houses on the Sabbath? That seemed a bit extreme. I wanted to understand more.
What I found was the word yatsa’, which does mean “to go out”, or “go forth”. However, when I looked at other verses where that same word was used, I saw a few ties back to creation:
“And the earth bringeth forth tender grass” (Gen 1:12, NKJV)
“And God saith, ‘Let the earth bring forth the living creature after its kind” (Gen 1:24, NKJV)
Suddenly, this took on a different meaning for me—one that hit a lot closer to home.
When I saw growth or creation being referenced, I could understand why maybe we would take a day to not do those things. As someone who always feels inadequate—like I need to be doing just a little bit more to be successful or accepted—I could understand why the God who created me would ask me to take one day a week and just be ok with who I am and who He made me to be.
At that point in time, my idea of rest was reading a self-help, spiritual-growth, or other kind of book that would help me improve, or grow, if you will. I was trying to “bring forth” more from my mind rather than just resting in and celebrating who I am.
I remember sheepishly sharing my observation during our first Cohort gathering because I wasn’t sure I was doing it right. It felt like others were seeing very different things than I had. Perhaps what I saw may not have been “right” in terms of Hebrew language, and maybe rest is still treated as a travel restriction today, but that is the beauty of midrash. It lets you ask the questions and make the leaps.
I don’t think I realized until that moment how God needed me to see Sabbath as a time to just be me, as I am right now, not trying to improve or do better. I still wasn’t sure how I would find the space to practice Sabbath, but I began seeing its importance in a whole new way.
The next few months were really difficult for me and I really leaned on my fellow Cohort members to get through. Then, in March, we entered the global pandemic and many of the external demands on my time disappeared. I work in healthcare, so I still had a whole lot to do, but pretty much all other activities—other than Cohort via Zoom—subsided.
Suddenly, I actually had the chance to start giving Sabbath a try. Slowly, something began to change in how I view myself. Something had begun that would culminate during our final Cohort retreat.
Meanwhile, having the consistency of our every-other-week Cohort meetings during the chaos and uncertainty of COVID was an amazing blessing. It was grounding to see familiar faces, hear each other’s voices, study together, and create a little bit of normal.
Hearing from others on how they interpret a word or a passage made the Bible come alive for me. It would get us talking and asking questions and then digging into more words and verses to answer those questions. And we would just keep going.
My Cohort journey began when I heard the words: “So, are you going to do the Cohort, Tamara?”
It’s a relatively simple question, right? There isn’t anything life changing or earth shattering about it. However, had my friend Lisa not asked me that question in August of 2019, I’m not sure my life would be the same today.
In part two of my story, I’ll share how some pretty amazing things came together for me at the end of my Cohort experience. I have been forever changed, and I’m grateful.
- Tamara Kasal, alumni of the 2019-2020 Cohort Dalet
Does Tamara’s story resonate with you? Want to learn more about the 40 Orchards cohort program?
You can find more info on our website. Or better yet, email us. We’d love to find a time to zoom or walk with you to learn your story and talk more about whether this is the right next step.
And don’t forget to come back for the rest of the story next week!
Banner photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash