Making space for grief
A few weeks ago, I was facilitating a Scripture Circle at one of our church partners. Like usual, we began with a check-in question, something along the lines of “What have you been facing or wrestling with lately as it relates to life and faith?”
The dominant theme? Grief.
Death, pain, and sickness were soaring through the orbits of the people gathered in that room.
First, we wondered how many other grief-filled rooms we might discover, if we just paused long enough to look into one another’s eyes and ask. Then came the question of how to make space for this pain, and where to go with it in Scripture.
We landed in Psalm 126, which ends with these words:
“Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!
He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing,
Shall come home with shouts of joy,
Bringing his sheaves with him.” - Psalm 126:5-6 (ESV)
We talked about how wounding these words can become, when well-meaning people use them to say things like, “Don’t worry about your sadness, God will turn it into joy!” We agreed that over-simplifying grief—or moving too quickly through it—does not bring healing.
So, we moved slowly, and spent time wrestling through how tears could be reaped in joy. Here are some things we noticed:
The agricultural metaphor brought us comfort.
We noticed these verses don’t give a timeline - just the hope that tears can be like seeds, and those seeds will someday bring life. Maybe after years have passed, but…eventually.
We thought about how the life inside seed can only come to fruition if the seed is not held back. It must be expressed and nurtured.
(We also noted that the Bible must not have been written by Minnesotans, since the last verse describes someone walking through town not just shedding a tear or two, but wailing and lamenting, continually.)
Then we stepped back to notice the power of where this Psalm sits in the Psalter. It’s a Psalm of Ascents, which means it was one of the Psalms that would be repeated as people journeyed to Jerusalem for pilgrimage festivals. We talked about how healing it could have been for a person who had experienced grief since their last journey to have a psalm about the value of wailing and tears included.
The timing of this conversation was not lost on me as we approach the holiday season in the United States. I wonder how this season could be different if we look around the rooms we find ourselves in and ask how people are, really. In the midst of this season of gratitude and lights, I wonder how we can also value tears, and encourage people to express them. I wonder how we can do better at being a community who walks with each other, and makes space for our experiences.
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At 40 Orchards, we hope to be that kind of place—a place where wrestling and grief are welcome. We hope you can join us for one of the open circles happening between now and the end of the year. Or maybe at our Midrash Meetup happening right after the holidays, on the first Saturday on January.
Or maybe you just want to grab coffee? We love to sit across the table from people, so we can look in your eyes and hear your story. Reach out today, and let us know how we can support you, right where you are.
* Image credit: Photo by Vijendra Singh on Unsplash